if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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