Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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