i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize