I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
