one two three fourrrrnication!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
