Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
