ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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