One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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