someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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