We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
it's like iHOP with fire
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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