There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
