I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
