and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
