Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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