3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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