i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
