my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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