Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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