I'm really into asian looking animals
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
