I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
