sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
