How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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