yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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