I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
