So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
