you mean i was at the winter classic?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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