OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
