You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
