i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
