I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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