then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
