Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize