Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
