Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
