When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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