If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
