Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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