Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
