Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
