And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
