Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
operation have a gay friend backfired
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
