I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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