Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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