She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
