This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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