People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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