There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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