I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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