Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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