stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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