you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
