I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
