Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
