I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
