Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
