i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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