some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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