Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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