OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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