This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
