the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
