I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
