if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Someone shattered a urinal.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
