Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
