he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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