Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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