my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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