Don't you send me to vm
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
