I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
