He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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