You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
