I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize