the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
