Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
