She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
