my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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