You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
