I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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