My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
