dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
