Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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