wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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