i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
