Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
