I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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