Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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