Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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